What If You Never Get Married?

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption of the world caused by evil desires.” - 2 Peter 1:2-4 

One of my favorite traditions my friends and I have taken part in over the years is when we put our phones face down in the middle of the table and take turns asking each other random questions. The only rule is that everyone at the table has to answer, no exceptions. The questions range anywhere from “Who’s your celebrity crush?” to “If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?” 

During one particular dinner, I remember someone asked the question, “What is your biggest fear?” I didn’t even hesitate with my answer to this question. In fact, I had quite a few of my biggest fears that I was willing to share with the table.

Clowns were at the top of the list. Then of course there were rodents and bugs of all kinds, particularly cockroaches. I also shared my fear of low-flying planes, not to be confused with the fear of flying. I’m cool as a cucumber when I’m a passenger on an airplane. But when I’m driving past the airport and a 747 hovers dangerously low over the interstate, my heart rate skyrockets. 

But as I sat at the dinner table that night laughing through my explanations of my greatest fears, I knew deep down I wasn’t answering the question honestly. I knew there was another fear…one that was so strong and so real that it made standing in a room full of evil clowns look like a cakewalk. 

If I’m being totally and completely honest, my biggest fear at that point in my life was that I would never get married. 

For the longest time, just thinking about that question would cause my stomach to be in knots. Asking yourself “What if I never find someone?” means facing a question that is doused in fear. Wondering if you’re ever going to get married or if you’re going to be single for the rest of your life is a tough pill to swallow. Because contrary to what all the ladies in church imply when they say, “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone!” God doesn’t guarantee marriage for anyone. Nowhere in Scripture does He promise to give every single woman a husband. So as much as this question is one we like to avoid and hope we never have to answer, it’s one we need to take into consideration. 

The thing about questions, especially fear-based questions, is that the longer you wait to answer them, the more the fear multiplies. Unanswered questions are the fertilizer to the weeds of anxiousness, worry, and dread in our hearts. But if we want to uproot this fear that is trying to overtake us, we must answer the questions that scare us, including the question, “What if I never find someone?”

So I want you to do me a favor. I want you, right now, to answer that question out loud. What happens if you never find someone? What happens if you never get married? What happens if you are single for the rest of your life? What then?

State your answers out loud. You can even write them down if you want to. But don’t read any further until you’ve answered these questions honestly. Overcoming our fears means facing our fears. And we can’t face our fears if we don’t articulate them. 

I know when I first answered this question honestly for myself, I was actually kind of surprised at what I discovered. My initial reaction was that I’d be super disappointed if I never found someone. After all, I’d been dreaming about getting married and having a family since I was a little girl acting out weddings with my Barbie dolls. So the thought of that dream never becoming a reality was really hard to wrestle with at first. 

But then, I thought to myself, “Well Kristen, sure you might be disappointed if you never find someone, and sure it might be difficult at times to be single, but that doesn’t mean your life is meaningless. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy and thrive in the life God has given you. It doesn’t mean that you have to miss out on other opportunities and experiences just because you don’t have a husband. And it doesn’t mean you’re going to live a sub-par, mediocre life just because you never say ‘I do.’” 

I love what Simon Peter writes in his second epistle. He says, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption of the world caused by evil desires” (2 Peter 1:2-4 NIV). 

Peter makes several points in these few verses. First, he wants us to know as follows of Christ that we have full access to God’s grace and His peace solely because we are His children. No other requirements, not even a certain relationship status, must be met for us to experience every single one of God’s gifts.

Second, Peter assures us that we have everything we could possibly need to live a godly, fulfilling life through our relationship with Jesus.

And finally, he tells us that through His glory and goodness, the Lord has promised us so much - to love us, to forgive us, to care for us, to protect us, to walk with us, and to guide us - and we can trust Him to keep these promises rather than placing all of our expectations and hopes on our worldly desires. 

In other words, whether or not you get married has no effect on your ability to be totally and completely fulfilled by your Heavenly Father. You are not to be considered less than just because you’re single. And you can experience true joy, peace, contentment, love, and acceptance even if you never find someone to walk back up the aisle with. 

So…what if you never find someone? What if you never get married? Well, you might be disappointed. And there will probably be a bunch of really difficult days when you see your friends posting engagement pictures on Instagram or when you receive a wedding invitation in the mail. And I can pretty much guarantee there will be times when you question God and His reasoning for having you stay single.

But even if you never find someone, I’m praying that you remember that you are whole and complete in Christ, and that you’re never lacking anything you need because of Him. I’m praying that you live in the freedom and contentment you have endless access to because of the Holy Spirit. And I pray you never stop telling yourself that your value, your worth, and your identity as a child of Almighty God are not determined by your relationship status. Trust in that. Rest in that. Believe in that and know that I am believing with you.