To The Girl With The Broken Heart
“You can be in a season of writing or a season of becoming. When you are becoming, you may have too much life stuff going on to dedicate time to your writing. But, the becoming will later inform your writing.” – Gary Morland
It’s been nearly four months since I’ve posted anything on this blog. Normally I would apologize for the extended hiatus, but I’m not going to do that this time. Honestly, I think I needed these past four months to myself. I needed to think and process and heal and grow. I needed to write prayers more than I needed to write blog posts. Heartbreak will do that to you. As Gary Morland talked about, I was in a season of becoming, and now, I’m finally ready to write about that season.
Before I get started. I want to make one thing clear. I’m not writing about heartbreak for the sake of venting about my own experience. That’s the last thing I would ever want to do. That’s why I waited four months to talk about this. Instead, I’m writing about heartbreak because I know I’m not the only person who’s ever had her heart broken. In fact, I’m pretty confident that the opposite is true. Heartbreak is practically universal. I’ve never met someone who hasn’t dealt with hurt, disappointment, brokenness, frustration, and unmet expectations. I would even bet that as you’re reading this, you can think of at least one instance where you navigated those feelings and emotions. You might even be navigating them right now.
My goal for everything I write is to encourage other people who are walking through things I’ve walked through myself, not because I have it all together or because I have all the answers, but because I believe there is power in sharing stories of God’s faithfulness with others. I want my readers to know they are not alone in their struggles. I want them to see that if God can show up for a girl whose heart was broken, He can show up for them as well. Because if there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of, it’s that over the last four months, God has shown up in some of the most compassionate, gracious, and loving ways, ways that I will never, ever forget.
Getting your heart broken can feel like you got the wind knocked out of you, like a sudden blow you didn’t see coming instantly makes you unable to catch your breath. It’s disorienting and confusing to say the least. You start asking yourself questions like, “How did this happen?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, and my very favorite, “What am I going to do now?” You question your worth. You question your identity, and you question your future, realizing your life just changed in a matter of minutes, and you never saw it coming.
Maybe one day you walked into work with your coffee and briefcase, but then you walked out that afternoon with a box of your belongings and a severance check. Maybe the college you’ve always dreamed of attending sent you a letter that started with the words, “Thank you for your application, but unfortunately…” Or maybe, like me, you thought you’d finally met the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with, and then one day they decided the relationship needed to end.
Regardless of how it happens, heartbreak is just flat out brutal. There’s no other way to slice it. But just because it’s painful doesn’t mean it’s not purposeful. So much can be learned and gleaned from getting your heart broken. I know for me personally, I’ve learned so much about myself and about God walking through this heartbreak. I’ve seen His faithfulness in brand new ways, and I’ve been challenged to trust Him more deeply when my circumstances don’t make any sense.
I could keep listing all the good things that have sprouted up from the ashes of this season, but I want to focus on three specifically. If you’ve ever had your heart broken, whether recently or in years past, my hope is that these three things will be as true to you as they have been to me.
1. It’s not up to me to heal myself.
Whenever I’m going through a hard time, I typically don’t like to bother anyone else (including God) with my pain. I think to myself, “I can fix this on my own. I don’t need any help. I’ve got this.” And then I proceed to fail miserably at any attempt to make myself feel better.
What I’ve had to learn the hard way is that I wasn’t designed to fix my own brokenness. I was designed to need my Heavenly Father who is in the business of healing, mending, and re-assembling. Psalm 147:3 promises that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” He knows exactly what it’s going to take to heal us wholly and completely, and He won’t ever turn down our request for help.
2. Don’t rush the grieving process.
When tough times hit, it’s common to hear people say things like, “Just pull up your bootstraps and keep going,” or “Just let it go…you’re going to be fine.” And while I do think there is a time and a place for statements like that, I don’t think it’s wise to skip over the mourning and grieving stages of heartbreak. Suppressing your emotions for the sake of saying “I’m fine” isn’t healthy or helpful.
Think about it this way. Imagine you are chopping up vegetables for dinner and instead of slicing through the zucchini, you accidentally slice through your finger instead, so much so that it looks like you’re going to need stitches for the wound to heal properly. But instead of going to the doctor to have the wound sterilized and stitched up, you slap a band-aid on that bad boy and keep moving. Before long, the wound is going to get infected and become even more painful than it needed to be.
The healing process for your heart works the same way. It’s a process that takes time because it has certain steps that need to be followed for the healing to be complete and thorough. Grieving is one of those steps, one that shouldn’t be forgotten. It’s important to acknowledge the pain you’re feeling, and then once you’ve processed and worked through that pain, you can keep going.
3. What feels like rejection could, in fact, be God’s protection.
My dad has always told me, “Kristen, life is a like a parade. God sees the whole production, while you only see the float that’s passing by.” That statement never rings truer than it does during a season of heartbreak. The Lord sees every single detail in the past, present, and future at all times. Meanwhile, when your heart is broken, all you can see is the pain, disappointment, and frustration that’s right in front of you. But even though your limited viewpoint comes with a lot of uncertainty, it also comes with the opportunity for you to trust your Heavenly Father.
You have no idea what your life would have looked like if things had turned out the way you thought they would. Sure, there may have been a lot of wonderful things that came with that job or that school or that relationship. But there also could have been something not so wonderful on the horizon that God is trying to protect you from through this heartbreak. Have you ever considered that the pain you’re feeling now is only a fraction of the pain that could have come if things had gone your way?
Now, like I said at the beginning of this post, I’ve had four months to think through and process all of this. I didn’t have this outlook on heartbreak on day 1, day 12, or even day 47. I can assure you these past four months came with their fair share of angry moments, tough questions, and tear-stained pillowcases. So, if you’re fresh out of getting your heart broken, I want you to know that I know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. I completely understand if this doesn’t all sink in right now. And I don’t fault you for not wanting to hear that good could actually come from something so terrible.
But let me encourage you, time is your friend. And in time, you will see how your Heavenly Father begins to heal your shattered heart. He will mend the parts the need mending. He will shine light into the places overshadowed by darkness. He will widen your perspective with His wisdom and grace. And He will magnify your ability to trust in Him.
Hang in there, sweet friend.
xoxo,
Kristen