Looking Back On 2018: Seeing The Purpose In Your Pain

As the end of the year approaches, many of us are starting to map out our goals, dreams, and expectations for 2019. Knowing January is just around the corner instills so much hope and excitement for what’s to come. But before all of the planning and prepping begins, I like to take some time and meditate on everything that’s happened over the past 12 months. December has become a month of reflection for me. And this year, more so than years past, there’s a lot to think about.

I started this year by hearing “no” about a job I had interviewed for as I attempted to pursue a career change. Another “no” came in March, and then another in April, and another in June. In February, my little sister experienced a ruptured brain aneurysm, leaving us all wondering if she was going to make it. Then a few weeks later, I was the maid of honor in a friend’s wedding, and while that was so fun, I once again wrestled with the doubting voice in my head that kept saying, “Is it ever going to be my turn?”

Let’s just say 2018 and I didn’t start off on the best of terms.

I became so discouraged and frustrated during the first half of this year. I just couldn’t seem to understand why so many things kept going wrong. It was one of those seasons where I felt like I couldn’t catch a break, and I wondered when things were going to get easier.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been in a season where nothing seemed to go your way? A season where you’re stuck in a rut and can’t seem to climb your way out? It’s not a fun place to be, but I don’t have to tell you that. We never want to find ourselves spending too much time in these seasons. But I’m learning that it’s during these seasons where we learn the most, grow the most, and understand the most…about ourselves and about God.

You see, God wasn’t absent during the first six months of this year, even though there were times I honestly felt like He was. He didn’t leave me to figure everything out on my own. He didn’t have me endure all of those difficult and frustrating circumstances for no reason. There was purpose behind all of it, even if I couldn’t see it at the time.

Over the course of 18 months I was told “no” for seven different job opportunities. But it was the eighth job I interviewed for that made me realize that all of those no’s were leading me to a better yes.

My sister spent 12 days in ICU and suffered major amounts of pain after her aneurysm ruptured, but she made a complete and full recovery, which is extremely rare. Since then, she has had the opportunity to share her story with hundreds of people, always giving God the glory for sparing her life. She has become a living example to me and so many others that there is purpose in our pain.

I walked my friend through her wedding season, meanwhile hearing the people around me say, “Your time will come,” or “I’m sure you’ll be next,” or “I have a feeling you’ll meet him this year.” I’m going to be honest and tell you that every time I heard one of those statements, I’d pray they’d come true. I’d beg God to bring this waiting period to an end, but He had other plans. After a conversation with some girlfriends one night in May about dating and singleness and past relationships, my friend Bethany and I ended up starting a podcast talking about all of those subjects. The very season I had asked God to end was what fueled this project that has become something I’m super passionate about.

I see now, in December, what I couldn’t see back in January or March or June. I see why all of those doors closed on my career, and why it was important for me to wait for the right door to open. I see that God had a greater plan to bring glory to Himself through my sister’s health scare, and how He has made her and the rest of my family stronger because of it. And I see that God can take the parts of our life that aren’t necessarily are favorites, like being single, and use them as a driving force behind our ministry to others.

While 2018 definitely wasn’t an easy year, it was a worthwhile year. My faith and my relationship with my Heavenly Father has become more real to me this year than it ever has. God has proven Himself faithful even in some of the darkest days. And I have no doubt He can do the same for you.

So with that in mind, I would encourage you to take some time before the year ends to think back and reflect on all that God has done in 2018. Recall as many highs and lows as you can, and ask that God give you clarity around them. Look for the purpose in your pain rather than wishing the pain away. And I bet if you’re really intentional about meditating on these past 12 months, you’ll be able to see now what you maybe couldn’t see before.

Praying for you,

Kristen