Lord, I Love You, But...
God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show the same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. - Hebrews 6:10-11
Right after I graduated from college, I was working for a missions organization just outside of Atlanta. My team was responsible for creating and planning church planting internships where college students and recent college grads could choose a city in the US or Canada and spend 8 weeks learning what it looks like to plant a church.
It was such a fun team to be on, and I loved my job. Being a behind-the-scenes kind of girl, I loved getting to work at the “headquarters” to help plan the trips and train the students who would take the trips. I was comfortable in my role, and I had no intention of leaving it.
However, a couple of months after I graduated, our team hosted a training for the students who would be leading teams on the church planting internships that year. After dinner the first night, one of my teammates came up to me and said, “Kristen, you should go on the internship this summer! You would love it!”
Did I mention I like staying behind the scenes? I was completely content creating materials, helping with trainings, and doing whatever else I could to help the students who would be a part of these internships. But that was it. I had no desire to pick up my life and live in another city for two months when I was perfectly content where I was. So as other members of my team proceeded to ask me about doing the internship three more times that night, I politely said, “no thank you,” and moved on.
After I left work that evening, I decided to go by Panera to grab dinner on my way home. As I was anxiously waiting in line for my broccoli cheddar soup, I began scrolling through some devotions that were sent to my phone earlier in the day. I landed on one entitled “Lord I Love You But…” and I begin to read. God might as well have put “For Kristen” at the top of the screen. It was that straightforward. Immediately my heart started pounding out of my chest.
Have you ever experienced something like this? A moment you know God is trying to tell you something and you’re doing everything in your power to pretend you don’t hear Him. Well, I was smack dab in the middle of one of those moments.
Just to give you a clearer picture, here is an excerpt from the devotion:
“Most of us are quick to declare our love for God, but at times our reluctance to serve Him tells a different story. Honestly consider whether you have found yourself saying or thinking, I love you, Lord, but don’t call me to do that!
Are you quick to follow the Lord’s leading when a need arises, or are you a reluctant servant who’s preoccupied with your own plans and desires?”
I remember feeling so convicted in that moment. I had been so caught up in what I wanted and where I felt comfortable that I was doing everything in my power to ignore the Lord as He was trying to point me down a different path.
Thankfully, with a little more nudging from God and a whole lot of His grace, I did end up taking the internship that summer. I lived in Los Angeles (which was the first time I had traveled further west than Alabama) and learned and grew so much. It was an experience that placed a permanent mark on my faith journey, and I never would have experienced it had I stayed rooted in my stubbornness and reluctance to follow the Lord’s lead.
So, let me leave you with one question: Is there something the Lord has been leading you to do, but you’ve been hesitant to take the path He’s pointing you toward? I know it can be scary. I know there’s a lot of uncertainty and unknown. But I promise you will never regret obediently following God’s call on your life. I hope that from reading my story, you’ll learn from my mistakes and not spend as much time hesitating and questioning as I did. Instead, my prayer is that you will confidently walk forward in God’s plan for your life with all the hope and expectation in the world, and that you’ll be nothing but excited to see what He has in store.