Don’t Underestimate The Power Of Empathy

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” - John 11:33-36

Yesterday as I was scrolling through Instagram, I came across a post by one of my favorite influencers where she shared that she had miscarried over the weekend. A few minutes later, I watched her Instagram stories where she shared more about what had happened. While this story was absolutely heartbreaking, there was one detail that made my heart sink with sadness and disappointment.

She said that when she realized she might have miscarried, she called her doctor’s office and ended up speaking to three different people about what she should do next and what appointments to set up. But the sad part was that not one of those people she talked to said, “I’m so sorry this happened.” The conversations were filled with details and directions, but no empathy.

This part of the story made me so sad, and it also made me think hard about what my first response is to people who are dealing with a painful or difficult situation. So often, it is our human nature to want to make a bad thing better. So when we are confronted with pain or suffering, our first instinct is to give advice or tell people things will get better or say that everything happens for a reason.

And while there is surely a time and a place for offering counsel and positivity, I think it’s important we don’t skip over the chance to show empathy to people before we do anything else.

There is power in saying things like:

I’m so sorry you’re hurting.

I’m sorry you’re having to walk through this.

I’m sorry this happened.

I’m sorry things didn’t turn out the way you hoped.

I see you and I’m here for you.

My heart hurts for you.

I’m sorry you’re in pain.

I don’t think we’ll ever regret offering empathy to someone who is hurting.

This reminds me of Jesus’ reaction to the death of His friend Lazarus. Jesus had been notified that Lazarus was sick and was asked to come at once to heal him. However, Jesus waited a few days before He showed up, knowing full well the miracle He was going to perform in Lazarus’s life.

But when He showed up at the wake where Lazarus’s family was grieving, His first response was not to immediately jump into action. He didn’t walk in proclaiming statements of positivity and hope, even though He very well could have, considering what He was about to do.

No, instead, He sat with Lazarus’s family and friends, and He wept. Jesus wept. He showed empathy and care, sitting with His friends in their pain.

A little while later, Jesus went on to perform one of the most memorable miracles of His earthly ministry by raising Lazarus from the dead. He knew the whole time He had the solution to the problem. He held the key to ending the pain and suffering of His close friends, but He still empathized with them in the meantime. He didn’t skip over this way to love others well, and neither should we.

So the next time you come across someone who is hurting or going through a difficult time, don’t miss out on the chance to show them empathy. Care for them the way Jesus would have. Even if you have the best advice in the world for them, even if you know which Bible verses will be perfect in the midst of their circumstances, and even if you feel the urge to say something positive to overshadow the sadness, choose instead to say, “I’m so sorry this happened.”

Remember, there is power in those words, friend. And I promise they’re words you’ll never regret saying.