Don’t Disqualify Yourself Because You’re Single

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2

If you read yesterday’s devotion, then you already have an idea of what we’re going to be talking about today. (If you missed the devotion yesterday, I highly recommend you go back and read it!)

To continue our conversation on singleness, I want to specifically address the topic of self-disqualification.

That seems like a really fancy word, and I don’t normally like using those because I like to write these devotions as if I were sitting across the table from you at a coffee shop just chatting away. But in this case, I think it’s a word worth exploring.

There were so many times when I was single, especially the first couple of years after college, where I would disqualify myself from opportunities because I wasn’t married. I would find myself saying things like:

I’d really like to serve in that ministry, but all of the other volunteers are married…

I really want to join a small group at church, but it’ll probably be all couples and then me…

I’d love to travel more, but I’m going to wait and do that with my husband…

It’d be so cool to go after this promotion, but I don’t want the pursuit of my career to jeopardize my chances of meeting someone…  

The list goes on and on. I can’t tell you how many times someone would talk to me about a really cool opportunity, and I would assume I would be unwanted or unvalued in that environment because I wasn’t married. Or I would assume that the opportunity would mess with my chances of meeting my husband. Or I’d even think the opportunity wouldn’t be as fun if I didn’t have a husband there to enjoy it with me.

Have you ever felt that way before? Have you ever counted yourself out before you even tried to take advantage of an opportunity solely because you were single?

I know it’s tempting to believe that your value and your worth are tied to your marital status. I know it’s hard not to assume that experiences will be more fun with a spouse than without one. But friend, those things just aren’t true. 

Who you are, who God created you to be, doesn’t magically change when you say “I do.” You’re not any less of a person because you’re single. You don’t hit a ceiling when it comes to your value, your worth, or your spiritual maturity just because you don’t have a spouse. Your God-given gifts, the qualities you bring to the table, the strengths you’ve been blessed with, those don’t increase in value once you get married. You are a whole, complete, valuable person just as you are – married or not married.

As I was struggling with believing these lies several years ago, I’ll never forget what a friend said to encourage me. She looked at me and said, “Kristen, you have no idea when you’re going to get married. Just think of what you could be missing out on if you keep disqualifying yourself just because you’re single. God might have some amazing things in store for you to experience. Don’t lose the chance to take hold of those opportunities because you’re waiting to get married before you jump in.”

I’m so grateful my friend was honest with me and pushed me to fully take advantage of the opportunities God put in my path, even though my relationship status wasn’t what I hoped it would be at the time. So now, I want to be that friend for you.

If you’re single right now, you have no idea when your relationship status will change. It could be next week. It could be next year. Or it could be in five or ten years. But if you sit around waiting for that day to come and you don’t take advantage of the opportunities God places in front of you now, you’re going to miss out on so much. I don’t want you to look back on your season of singleness one day and regret how you spent it. I don’t want you to wish you had done more, pursued more, experienced more, and enjoyed more.

I want you to look back on this time and smile. I want you to have a million memories to share with your spouse one day. So with that in mind, my prayer is that you take hold of every opportunity that the Lord gives you in the days ahead. Go on that trip. Serve in that ministry. Join that small group. Invest in that community. Take that promotion. Use the gifts, talents, strengths, and opportunities God has given you, and don’t let your use of those gifts depend on whether or not there’s a ring on your left hand.