Full Circle Moments

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds. - Psalm 77:11-12

A month before my wedding day, I got to experience a really cool full circle moment. It was one of those moments I couldn’t help but smile and silently thank the Lord that His plan was better than mine and that He was in the details even when I couldn’t see how He was working and what He was doing.

To give you the full effect of this story, I’m going to share with you part of the journal entry I wrote from the day this full circle moment happened. And then I’ll circle back at the end to give you some more details.

I’m at Marlow’s Tavern with Kevin right now, 29 days from our wedding.

About 16 months ago, I sat at a table 15 feet from where I’m sitting right now. While I sat at that table with a group of friends after a church Christmas concert, I opened my phone to read a text from my brother about how he had texted Kevin about setting us up. But Kevin was going out with another girl, so it didn’t look like I was going to get to go out with him.

I cried on my drive home that night. I prayed angry prayers and I got really mad at God. Was that a dramatic response? Probably. But the tears weren’t necessarily tied to the guy. They were tied to the disappointment. They were tied to the fact that I had gotten my hopes up again, and I felt like God let me down.

It didn’t seem fair. I was so tired of waiting, and I was tired of getting disappointed. It seemed like a cycle that was never going to end.

Little did I know...

I’m smiling real big right now as I sit across from Kev, watching him drink his second Dr. Pepper of the night. This was the point I wanted to get to. This is what my heart was hoping for. This is why it bummed me out so much when I heard he was going out with someone else. This is what I wanted, to be with him. But the path that was required to get here was not one I anticipated, or even one I would have asked for.

But nevertheless, I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful things didn’t go according to my plan. I’m grateful for what God taught me in the meantime. I’m grateful for all that happened in the six “extra” months of waiting before Kevin slid into my DMs and asked me to go out with him. And I’m grateful that God can redeem disappointed hearts, deferred hopes, and dripping tears.

He’s a good God. He’s a faithful God. He’s a trustworthy God. He’s an immeasurably more God. And He’s a God of unexpected, off-the-wall plans that can’t help but make you smile in the middle of a Marlow’s Tavern.

See, I told you. It was a full circle moment. As I sat there with Kevin at dinner that night, I could see very clearly the seat I sat in just 16 months earlier where I got that text. I had no idea that less than a year and a half later, I’d be getting ready to marry the guy I wanted to go out with so badly, but who wasn’t available when I thought the timing was right.

When I think about that day now, I can smile about it, because I know the rest of the story. But I didn’t know then, so I try to look back and give myself grace. And I also have apologized to God quite a few times for getting so bent out of shape on the drive home that December night.

I’m really grateful when moments like this happen because I know they don’t always come about. We don’t always get to know all the details. We don’t always get to see how the stories end. But in this instance, I did get to see. I did get to know. And I think God gave me that insight to teach me something very important.

So often, we have absolutely no idea what God is up to behind the scenes. We don’t understand all that He is orchestrating. We don’t have access to His viewpoint and His perspective. We don’t get to look at the back of the tapestry. We usually just have to wait and see how things turn out.

But it’s in these moments, these full circle moments, that I’m reminded there is purpose in everything God does. He’s not some flippant, absent-minded, non-detail-oriented God who’s just throwing a bunch of stuff at the ceiling to see what sticks. He’s purposeful. He’s intentional. He’s organized. He’s orderly. He’s a planner. And more than all of that, as Lysa Terkeurst likes to say, He is good at being God.

So in the moments when we don’t understand what He’s doing, when we don’t see all that He’s planning behind the scenes, we can still trust Him because of the full circle moments He blesses us with from time to time. We can use these moments as tools of remembrance, as a way to jog our memory of the goodness and faithfulness of God. And isn’t that an amazing gift?

All of that to say, if you’re struggling right now with not understanding why things are working out the way they are, why you’re having to wait, or why God doesn’t seem to be doing anything you can visibly see, my hope is that you’ll ask Him to remind you of a full circle moment you’ve experienced before. Ask Him to bring to your mind a memory of His faithfulness to give you hope and perseverance as you strive to continue to trust in Him.