4 Tips For Navigating Long Distance Friendships
For this week’s post, I have a very special treat for you! My best friend of 14 years, Melanie Hobson, is dropping in as a guest writer, and I couldn’t be more excited! Not only is Melanie my closest friend, she is also one of the godliest, wisest, and most wonderful people I know. My growth as a follower of Christ, as a friend, and as a human being in general has been impacted so much by her influence. So I wanted her to have the opportunity to influence and encourage you just like she so often does for me! I hope you enjoy her post as she talks through 4 tips for navigating long distance friendships. Enjoy!
Hey all! I’m Melanie. I’ve been best friends with Kristen since 2005, back in the “good old days” when we both had braces and wore silly bandz. We grew up together in Georgia just north of Atlanta, and we have been inseparable for the majority of our friendship. If you saw one of us, you just assumed the other wasn’t far behind. We played on the same basketball team, worked at the same ice cream shop, went to the same college…you get the idea. We have that friendship that sometimes is only found in movies, and we know we’re so incredibly blessed to have it.
Growing up, (as most teenage girls do) we had our entire lives planned out. We were going to be college roommates, meet twin guys, fall in love, get married at the same time, have kids who were best friends too, and live next door to each other. You think I’m kidding, but I promise I’m not. We even had our houses picked out in our home town. Neither of us ever intended to live anywhere but right there in small town north Georgia.
Fast forward to 2016 - I met my husband, Tres. He lived in Florida, and Kristen’s first response when I told her was, “You can’t move away from me!” I probably said something along the lines of, “Good grief Kristen, I just met the guy, there’s no way to know that yet!” Well, little did we know that I would actually end up moving. It didn’t take long for Tres and I to fall in love and realize that the Lord was leading us to get married. So in December of 2017 we tied the knot.
I’ve been married a little over a year now, and Kristen and I have been learning what it looks like to be friends with a state line between us. When Kristen asked me to feature on her blog, I knew I wanted to talk about navigating long distance friendships.
So, how do Kristen and I do it? How do we stay close even though we may only see each other face to face 2-3 times a year? Well, first of all, we’re definitely still learning and we don’t have all the answers. But I want to share four things that have really helped us over this last year in hopes that they can help with your own long distance friendships.
Give yourselves some space
This probably seems counterintuitive at first, but let me explain. Kristen and I realized early on that we ran out of things to talk about if we texted all day every day, which is totally understandable. It’s not something to take personally. It doesn’t mean you’re not as good of friends anymore. It just means you’re normal. We have found that if we text here and there, and then really put our effort into having a phone call every week or two, we have a lot more to talk about. So now we make a point to set aside time specifically to catch up and hear what’s going on in each other’s lives. This way the conversations are fuller and more intentional.
Share your friend
Moving to a new state was a pretty challenging experience. It was hard to be in a brand new place with no girlfriends. Not to mention that any new friendship I developed was nothing like the friendship I had with my best friend of 14 years. On top of that, it was hard to hear about Kristen hanging out with all my old friends, who were still her current friends. Going through this transition made us face the question, “You mean it’s okay to have coffee with someone else?” I’m exaggerating a little, but I’m sure you get the point. What’s important to understand is that your friend is still your friend, even though it may feel like you’re being replaced by new friends or old friends. You can’t expect them to stop their social life until you come to town. So communicate about everything, be supportive of them, and pray with them through the rough times of making new friends. Trust your friend and know that your friendship is true, and no one can replace you.
Be creative
Probably my favorite thing that Kristen and I have done this past year is driving 3 hours each to meet in the middle for a Starbucks date. We specifically set aside a Saturday every few months so that we can see each other face to face. This may not be feasible if you live further away from your friends, but if you can, I would highly recommend it. If not, don’t let that stop you from finding creative ways to spend time together. Another thing Kristen and I do instead of texting or waiting to be able to have a phone call when something big happens, we record a video (or six videos haha) of ourselves telling the story and then send it to each other. Kristen and I are both big external processors. So sending videos helps us so much because we can just gab away about whatever’s on our mind, tell our story, and know that the other person will respond when they can.
Talk things out
As I’m sure you’ve realized by now, Kristen and I have never have a hard time with talking a lot. In fact, sometimes we can’t stop talking. I’m sure you have a friend like this. However, both of us avoid confrontation like the plague, which can lead us to sometimes tip toe around hard conversations. I think that having distance between us has helped us grow in this area. We’ve been forced to talk through the way we’re feeling, whether that be telling her to not text you as much, learning how to share each other, or working through how to best navigate your friendship in whatever situation you find yourselves. Communication is key in so many settings, and this is no exception!
I’m no expert on this. I’m strictly speaking from my experiences. My friendship with Kristen may be very different from the friendship you’re thinking about. But what I can say is that the general aspects of long distance friendships stay true no matter who it is. Don’t smother your friends, don’t be jealous, put effort into your friendships whether you’re next door to each other or across the country, and communicate in whatever way works best for you. I promise you will be so glad you did!
Melanie Hobson is a follower of Jesus, wife to Tres, and dog mom to Riley and Ramsey. She is also an incredible artist and founder of Strokes of Creation Co. When Melanie isn’t working, painting, or spending time with her family, you can find her at the gym, eating ice cream (balance is key right?), or watching basketball.
Feel free to follow Melanie on social media and thank her for her encouragement today! You should also go check out her Etsy store because when I said she’s an incredible artist, I wasn’t kidding.
Melanie’s Instagram: @melanie.rae13
Melanie’s Painting Instagram: @strokesofcreationco
Melanie’s Etsy Store: https://www.etsy.com/shop/StrokesOfCreationCo