To The Girl Who's Scared To Take A Leap Of Faith

For the past three years, I've asked God to give me a word for the year, a theme that I could focus on for the upcoming 12 months. Typically the process of figuring out each year's word starts around October. I take a look at my life and see if I can put my finger on any recurring themes. Is there something God is trying to teach me? Is there a topic that keeps resurfacing without me looking for it? Is there a weakness of mine that the Lord could be wanting to develop into a strength? I ask myself these questions, and I spend time in prayer, asking God to give me clarity in deciding on my word. But to be honest, every single year it's felt less like a decision on my part and more like a prompting on His part.

In October of 2018, the word "courage" started to stand out. It showed up everywhere I looked - my devotions, my Bible reading, my audio books, my podcasts, my Instagram. Everywhere I looked, someone seemed to be talking about courage, bravery, and boldness. Now, at that time, I would not have used the words "courageous" or "brave" to describe myself. In fact, I'd probably use words like "cautious" or "anti-risk" to describe myself instead. So you can imagine my reluctance when I started to get the feeling that "courage" might end up being my word for 2019.

The moment I finally came to terms with my word was right before Christmas of 2018. I was having breakfast with my friend and mentor, Thea. The two of us had had countless conversations that year about where I felt like God was leading me and the dreams I felt like He was putting on my heart. Our conversations during breakfast that morning were no different. I was explaining to her that I was starting to feel unsettled in my current job. I had been praying about it for a couple of months at that point, but hadn't really vocalized to anyone that I felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. The more time that passed, the more confident I became in the fact that God had more for me. I knew there were gifts and dreams and goals that He had given me. I wanted so badly to be in a place where I could use those gifts to accomplish those goals and dreams. And I knew my current job wasn't that place. It was like I was being tugged in a completely different direction, but I was scared to leave the comfortable, the familiar, and the secure. 

I told Thea all of those thoughts and feelings I was sorting through. She smiled and listened, like she always does. And then, when I finished, she looked me square in the eyes and said,

"Kristen, you have to you use your gifts. Once you do, it's only a matter of time before something big happens for you. But you've got to jump with both feet. You can't just go halfway. You have to have faith and jump with both feet."

I knew immediately that she was right. For so long I had been trying to figure out how to jump while still keeping one foot on solid ground. But that's just not how life works. I was going to have to take some risks if I wanted to go after what I felt like God had for me. I couldn't keep straddling the fence.

It was at that point, I knew "courage" was going to be my word for 2019. Jumping with both feet takes courage, and I was going to need a lot of it if I was going to take this leap of faith.

As the next few months passed, the unsettled feeling I had increased. It became more of a live-in guest in my soul, rather than an occasional visitor. One week came and went, then a month, then three months, until finally, I quit my job. And not only did I quit my job. I quit my job without having another one lined up.

Now, please don't skim over that last sentence. In fact, go back and read that last paragraph again for good measure. I quit my job without having another one. I felt like I was breaking one of the major rules of adulthood. And not only was breaking rules out of character for me, but so was taking this kind of a risk. This wasn't normal for me at all. If you're reading this and you know me personally, you can probably attest to the fact that I'm typically the furthest thing from being risky. I'm calculated. I'm cautious. I'm conservative with my decision making. I don't just up and leave my job without knowing my next step. 

But thankfully, I wasn't doing this on my own.

Every time I tell this story, I tell people how I took this decision as an obvious sign of God's direction and guidance. Because if I was going to take a risk this big, it sure as heck wasn't going to be my idea. I had so much confidence and peace about making this decision, peace I can't even begin to put into words. And that peace was a gift the Lord gave me to cling to as I walked down this very uncertain path He was leading me on.

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase." That's exactly what I felt like I was doing. I was taking the first step, the step I knew the Lord was leading me to take, but I had absolutely no clue where the staircase was leading.

Over the next several months, I watched God orchestrate some absolutely incredible things in my life. I saw Him take care of me financially. I saw Him surround me with love and support from the people in my life. I saw Him open doors I didn't even know existed. And I saw Him grow my trust in Him as I learned to keep taking steps, even when I felt like I was walking in the dark. 

Now, as I sit here writing this 9 months later, I'm still amazed at all that God has done as a result of this leap of faith He pushed me to take. The opportunities, the connections, the relationships, and the lessons I've experienced still blow me away. I'm finally getting to use my skills in a way that takes me closer to the dreams and goals I've had for years, which is exactly what I was praying for this time last year.

Not long after I had left my job, still not knowing where God had me headed next, I had another conversation with Thea. I was trying to process everything that was happening and at the same time trying to explain how at peace I was in the midst of so much uncertainty. Once again, Thea smiled and, through tears, said, "Kristen you're jumping with both feet, just like we've been talking about for months." I started tearing up at this point, but she kept going, "You need to remember the peace and the clarity you have at this moment, because there might be days when you're scared, and it feels like you're free falling. But I truly believe God is going to honor your faith and give you a soft landing."

Thea was right. There were days when I got scared. There were days I felt like I had jumped off a cliff and had no idea what was at the bottom. But she was also right about God giving me a soft landing. In fact, He gave me a better landing than I would have ever thought was possible. And now every time I think about taking that leap of faith, I wonder, "What if I hadn't jumped?"

My life would look completely and totally different right now if I hadn't taken that risk last year, if I hadn't trusted God tugging me in that unknown direction. That one decision has altered so many aspects of my life for the better, and that wouldn't have been the case at all if I hadn't been willing to jump.

One of the best pieces of advice my little brother Brett has ever given me is this: "The pain of rejection doesn't last nearly as long as the pain that comes from wondering 'what if?'"

I will never forget him saying that to me. Because fear of rejection, coupled with the fear of failure, were my two biggest reasons for hesitating to take that leap of faith. Fear-filled questions would swarm my mind, trying to convince me not to go for it.

What if something goes wrong?

What if you can't make enough money?

What if you get rejected?

What if your dream doesn't come true?

What if you fail?

Left to my own devices, I'd probably still be asking myself those questions. But thankfully with the Lord's leading, and with the encouragement of people around me like Brett and Thea, I'm not asking those questions anymore. I'm not paralyzed by hesitation. I don't have to wonder what it would be like to take a leap of faith...because I chose to jump. And sweet friend, so can you.

Is there something weighing on your heart that would require you to take a risk? Is God leading you to do something, but you're scared to take that step because you can't see the whole staircase? If that's you, let me be the first to tell you that you should jump with both feet. There's no greater feeling than fully surrendering and trusting the Lord to do something He's calling you to do. And even though you can't be sure how things are going to turn out, you can be sure that He will be with you every step of the way. Your circumstances might look different than you expect. The reactions of the people around you might not always be what you want to hear. Even the result of your risk-taking might not end up exactly how you thought it would. But you will be absolutely amazed to see how your trust and your faith grow in Him along the way.

Don't be scared. Don't let fear paralyze you. Don't let your hesitations, your questions, and your insecurities keep you from experiencing all that God has for you.

It's time to jump.