To The Girl Who Needs Healing

A couple of years ago I was getting ready for work and I decided to wear my favorite Old Navy black jeans. They’re my favorite because not only are they black and therefore flattering, but they have an elastic waistband, which is wonderful and dangerous all at the same time. But when I put the jeans on, I noticed a little hole on the inseam of the inside of my leg, which happens when you wear a pair of pants a lot and you don’t have a thigh gap. But it was a very tiny hole and it wasn’t super noticeable, so I wore the jeans to work anyway. 

Fast forward to an hour later when I arrived at work. I parked my car, opened the car door, stepped one foot out of the car, and all of a sudden I hear this horrible ripping sound. I immediately looked down and I notice the hole in my pants has gone from being smaller than a dime to being the size of a silver dollar. 

So at that point, I do what any logical human being would do, and I take a black sharpie out of my purse and I begin to color the skin that is peeking through the hole in my pants in hopes that my pale skin wouldn’t be so noticeable against the black pants. I was actually pretty proud of this innovation initially. I thought I’d fixed the problem. But as I moved and walked throughout the day, my pants would shift, and I would have to go to the bathroom and color more of my leg with the sharpie trying to keep the hole a secret. By the end of the day, I had a giant blob of black permanent marker on the inside of my leg that was nearly impossible to scrub off when I got home from work. 

I tried to mend things myself. I tried to fix things on my own, but it didn’t work. And I wish I could tell you that this was the only time I did this, but it’s not. I’ve tried to fix much bigger issues than that, when they were never mine to fix from the beginning. 

I would venture to say we’ve all been guilty of this at one point or another. We think we can just suck it up and move on and everything will be fine. Or we think if we just ignore the pain, or ignore the person who caused the pain, the hurt will go away. Or we think, “God’s got so many more important things on His plate. I don’t want to bother Him with this.” But in reality, none of these tactics work. None of these methods of self-mending bring the kind of healing and restoration we’re looking for. Only the Lord can give us that. 

We serve a God who is a healer. He’s a mender. A fixer upper. He is the only One capable of fully and completely healing our brokenness. And not only is He a capable Healer, but He is an unconditional Healer. We don’t have to prove anything to Him. We don’t have to earn His attention. We don’t have to clean up our wounds first before He sews them up. We just have to draw near to Him and be openhanded with our brokenness…be openhanded with our disappointment, our frustration, our anger, our confusion, our unmet expectations. And He will do the rest. But in order for the Lord to heal us, we must draw near to Him, even when it’s difficult. 

Let’s be honest with each other for a minute. There are times when drawing close to the Lord and remaining close to Him is really easy. But there are other times when it’s not so easy. I think when we’re in a season of heartbreak and disappointment, it can be difficult to want to stay close to the Lord, especially when the pain first hits. But it’s so important that we don’t put our relationship with Jesus on the backburner just because life doesn’t go our way. He is our only hope when we are in the midst of brokenness.

In John chapter 16, Jesus is telling His disciples He is about to leave them, right before He knows He’s about to be arrested. He’s telling them they’re going to scatter, and they’re going to experience extreme grief and fear. He even references that they’re going to be killed by people who think they’re killing out of service to God. So you can imagine how distraught the disciples were hearing all of this. It was like they were getting bad news after bad news. But at the end of their conversation, Jesus leaves them with this encouragement, and I think this is an encouragement that applies to all of us as we’re dealing with brokenness. Jesus says in John 16:33,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace…”

Think about that for a minute. In the midst of all of this discouraging, terrifying, heartbreaking news Jesus just gave them, He tells them that in Him and Him alone, they can find peace. He didn’t say they would find peace in family members or friends or financial security or food or anything else. He said they could have peace in Him. 

I realize that there are a multitude of things this world has to offer when it comes to softening the blow of pain and heartbreak. Think about where you go or what you do when you’re sad or upset. Do you call your best friend? Do you go shopping? Do you run to the back of the grocery store and stock up on Ben and Jerrys? I know I’ve been guilty of doing all of these things when I’ve been hurt. But because I have, I can tell you that none of those things brought me the peace I was craving. Only Jesus provides that kind of peace. 

Okay back to John 16. Jesus says,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace,” and then here’s the kicker. He says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 

I love this verse so much, because Jesus eliminates all guessing about what our lives will hold. He says, “you WILL have trouble.” Not “you MIGHT have trouble” or “you COULD have trouble” or “You’ll PROBABLY have trouble.” No. He says you WILL have trouble. Guaranteed. We will get hurt. We will be disappointed. We will get our hearts broken. 

But…

Jesus has overcome the world. And therefore if we’re going to experience the healing we’re wanting, if we’re ever going to be mended the way we need to be mended, we have got to draw near to the One who is bigger than our brokenness. 

Now you might be thinking, “Okay Kristen. That sounds great. But what does it look like practically to draw near to Jesus?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Drawing near to the Lord means spending time talking to Him. Being honest with Him in your prayers. It's called a "personal" relationship with the Lord for a reason. I love what Psalm 86:15 says: “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” You have a loving, caring, gentle Heavenly Father who’s in your corner. He wants to help you. He wants to heal you. So be honest with Him about where you’re at.

And not only that, but spend time in His Word and see what He has to say about His character and His will and His plans for you. There are so many verses in this book that speak to the hurt and the heartbreak we experience as humans. So I would encourage you to find these verses and begin committing them to memory so that you have them in your back pocket when the repercussions of heartbreak start to creep up, because they will. 

Now, I would like to say one final thing here. It can be very tempting, especially when we’re hurt, to let our feelings overshadow what we know is true. For instance, when I was going through a season of heartbreak last year, I was reading my Bible and I came across several verses that were so applicable to what I was going through at that point. But instead of clinging to the promises in these verses, I was paying more attention to my feelings. I would sit there and say, 

“Lord, I know you say you work all things together for good, but this doesn’t feel good right now.”

“God, I know you say you never leave me or forsake me, but I feel so lonely.”

“Lord, I know you say you refresh my soul and guide me along the right path, but I feel the furthest thing from refreshed and this is not the path I wanted to walk.”

We can’t let our feelings overshadow what we know is true. Instead, we must renew our minds in a way that flips those statements around, where the truth outshines our feelings. 

So instead, I would say…

“Lord, I know this heartbreak doesn’t feel good right now, but I know you say that you work all things together for the good of those who love you and who are called according to your purpose, so I'm going to hold you to that.”

“Lord, I feel so lonely right now, but I know you promise to never leave me or forsake me, so I'm going to choose to believe that.” 

“God, this isn’t the path I wanted to walk, but I know you say that you will guide me along the right path, so I’m trusting You in that.”

Just this simple switch in the way we view truth versus our feelings can make the biggest difference as we draw near to the Lord in our brokenness. So if you're hurting today, if you're heartbroken, devastated, or disappointed, the best way for you to find healing is to draw near to the Lord. Embrace the peace that He promises to give that surpasses all understanding. Cling to the promises in His Word. Don't forget that your Heavenly Father is with you every step of the way, and remember that He is a compassionate, gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. 

P.S. I spoke at an event last year and gave an entire talk on God’s power to mend and heal our brokenness. You can watch it here. :)