3 Questions To Help You Shift Your Focus From Discouragement To Joy
Have you ever had a season in your life when you feel like God is repeating Himself to you? Like no matter where you go or what you’re doing, you keep hearing the same message or the same passage of Scripture over and over again?
I know you can't see me while you’re reading this, but I’m currently nodding my head so hard; because that’s exactly the way I feel like it’s been in my own life for the past couple of months.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you would know that I have been talking a lot about waiting and patience and trusting God when things don’t make sense. Don’t get me wrong, God has been teaching me a lot about all of those topics through this season. But there is one other theme that seems to be popping up a lot recently, and that has to do with shifting my focus.
Allow me to explain.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post based around Psalm 84:11, which says:
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.”
I was talking with one of my mentors about this verse not too long ago. She painted such a cool picture of this verse for me. She told me to think about my life as a giant sidewalk or walkway. As I’m walking down the path, God is showering me with good gifts, but so often I default to ignoring these gifts because they aren’t the specific gifts I’m asking for. So instead of thanking God for all of these wonderful blessings (because remember, “no good thing does he withhold,”) I’m asking Him why He’s not giving me what I want. I question why He’s not answering my prayers the way I would like Him to. And in turn, I am choosing not to acknowledge every good thing He is laying at my feet.
Let me give you an example.
Last week I was at a barbecue with some of my friends. One of the guys sitting next to me looked over and said, “So Kristen, what’s new with you?” and in a loving and joking way, one of the other girls in the group said, “Surely she doesn’t have anymore weddings to be in.” We all laughed because that has become a very common joke around me recently. I’ve been in my fair share of weddings over the past year and a half, with three of my closest friends all getting married within a year of each other.
The girl sitting across from me continued, “Seriously Kristen, I’ve lost count of the number of Facebook posts I’ve seen with girls talking about loving that you were in their wedding. And I just keep thinking, ‘Surely she doesn’t have time to be this good of friends with all of these people.’”
(Just a quick note before I keep writing: This story is NOT supposed to make me sound like I’m the best friend ever or that I have friendship all figured out. I still have lots to learn, and this is an area I want to continue to grow in. All of that to say, I definitely don’t have it all together when it comes to friendship, or any aspect of my life for that matter. Anyways, back to the story.)
I just chuckled and smiled after she said that. But the conversation stuck with me over the next couple of days. I started thinking about what she said and thought about what my perspective was on being in all of these weddings. The more I thought about it, I realized there were two different ways I could think about this situation.
1. I could be frustrated by always being the bridesmaid and not the bride. I could be upset by my relationship status. And I could complain about the cons of being single.
OR...
2. I could be grateful that I have strong, godly friendships. I could be thankful that each of these women valued me and our friendship enough to want me in their wedding. And I could focus on investing in these friendships and others while I’m in this season.
This is what I’m talking about when I say shifting my focus. The outcome of each of these thought patterns is so different. If I let myself go down the road of the first one, I start to feel discontent and frustrated and sad. However, if I go the other route, I feel excited and grateful and filled with joy. Doesn’t that second set of feelings seem a heck of a lot better than the alternative?
For the longest time I have allowed my joy and my hope to be wrapped up in my circumstances. If things were going well, I was in a great mood. All was right with the world, and I was smiling with contentment all the time. But if things weren’t going the way I wanted or the way I planned, I was Ms. Doom and Gloom. I would get quiet and reserved and would just want to sit in my room and listen to throwback Taylor Swift songs. (No judgement please.)
Thankfully, as God has been repeating Himself, He’s shown me through His Word and through His people how important it is for me to focus on what I do have instead of focusing on what I don’t have. I don’t want my joy to fluctuate on circumstances I have no control over. I want to always remember the fact that my joy is based on my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I love how Paul talks about this idea in his letter to the Romans. He says, “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).
Basically what Paul is saying is that you can have joy and peace because you trust in God. Not because you’re at the college of your dreams, or because you have an amazing job, or because you’re in a relationship. When you think about it, that’s a huge relief, because we all know life isn’t always going to be perfect. You're going to realize college isn’t always fun. You're going to have to work jobs that aren’t our favorite. You're going to go through seasons where you’re single. And the only thing that’s consistent through all of those circumstances is your relationship with Jesus.
So, with all of that in mind, I have a challenge for you. (I did promise you three questions didn’t I?) Sometime this week, instead of focusing on the things you want but don’t have, allow God to shift your focus by answering these three questions:
What are you taking joy in today?
What is something or who is someone you can pray for?
What do you want to thank God for?
These questions have been amazing in helping me remember where my joy comes from. Whenever I take the time to answer these, I am reminded to shift my focus to all of the gifts and blessings God has put in my path, instead of ignoring those gifts while I look for Him to give me something different. I hope that these questions will be as helpful for you as they have been for me, and that God “will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him."